i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
