We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
