As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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