im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize