I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
