I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
