brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I smell like Dick and happiness
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