He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize