I hate your face
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
