I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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