then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
