if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
