holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
