when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
