My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
