I'm gonna have a badass scar
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
