i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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