you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize