We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
