dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
