dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
