We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
