Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
