but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
