i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
