why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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