As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
