if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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