none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
