hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
