you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
