I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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