so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
