i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
