the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
