god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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