I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
