I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
