I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
