new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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