He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
