I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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