i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
