Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
