fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
