the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
