youre lurking in front of me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
