Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
