i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All the doctor said was why
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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