We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
