all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
