..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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