He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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