I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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