I'm gonna have a badass scar
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
