Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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