Heybabeimwearingurpanties
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
