and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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