No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
