Already got asked if we're dating
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
