quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
