I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
