I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize