You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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