I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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