You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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