After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
